Mischief of Heaven by Heinrich von Kleist

Concerning a Reluctance to Fall into the Hands of Mortuary Washers

From Anecdotes, a collection of short stories and miscellaneous prose by the classic German writer Heinrich von Kleist, translation mine. The book will be released next week through Sublunary Editions:

General Dieringshofen, who died in Frankfurt an der Oder¹, where he commanded an infantry regiment, a man of strict and righteous character, as well as some quaint peculiarities, expressed, while in advanced age, and on his deathbed from lengthy illness, a reluctance to fall into the hands of mortuary washers. He gave his express orders that no one, without exception, should touch his body; that he should be coffined and buried exactly as he was found, complete with nightcap, nightshirt, and trousers; and asked the chaplain of his regiment, Herr P., a friend of his house, to undertake the execution of this, his final request. The chaplain promised: he pledged,
so as to prevent any mischance, that he would never leave his side, from the moment the general passed until he was buried. Then, several weeks later, at first blush of dawn, a valet came to the house of the chaplain, who was still asleep, and reported that
the general had already, by the midnight hour, as calmly and as gently as could be expected, died. The chaplain, true to his word, dresses immediately and sets off for the general’s apartments. But what does he find? The general’s corpse, lathered for shaving, propped on a stool; the valet, knowing nothing of the arrangement, had summoned a barber who, for the sake of a decent funeral, was removing the beard. What should the chaplain do in such queer circumstances? He laid into the valet for not having summoned him earlier, dismissed the barber, who was holding the old gentleman by the nose, and because there was nothing else to be done, had the general laid in his coffin and buried, still lathered, with half a beard, as he had found him.

The Funeral by Edouard Manet (c. 1867)

1. Frankfurt an der Oder also happens to be the home of the von Kleist family, where Heinrich was born and attended university. A museum dedicated to the writer now occupies the house in which he was born.